“You know what? Fuck this shit. I am going to be happy about my life from now on. And if you choose to violate or take away this one thing that I have desired for such a long time, I will leave. God help me, I will even fly if I have to.”
“A bit too many things wanting to be said but chosen not to because there might be no need to; a great perhaps.”
“There is really no point in saying “sorry”, not only that you don’t mean it but that you don’t even have a millimeter of sympathy in you to truly apologize from your heart.”
"Do you love me?"
Looking straight into her eyes, her fiancée affirmed her. He told her that she was his everything, and that he would never do anything stupid. Though, he was not perfect.
She smiled, albeit weakly.
She said, “If your way of life and love is texting this girl you met online while we are already engaged, go ahead.”
His face fell.
“You asked for my trust, and I did. Even if I knew what you were doing, I seemed to have lied to myself and it ended up with forcing myself to trust you instead.”
Tears began to trickle down her pale, rosy cheeks. She was speaking from her heart.
"It is not what you think it is." he told her; his hands trembling and his voice shaking. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks too.
“I won’t stop you from what you want or choose to do with your life. But I cannot stand being lied to. At least, not again. Not from you.”
She continued, "If you go on like this, I will leave. I won’t make the same mistake in living a lie, pretending that my life will be perfect with you.
He froze. There were no words. Probably because what she said were true.
"And you are just going to give up on me? Do you not love me?", his face turned red.
"If I did not love you, would I even lie to myself that you are not cheating on me? I would have left."
"I AM NOT FUCKING CHEATING ON YOU!!!"
"From what I read from your texts to her, it seems a lot like cheating to me."
He had no words. No words because he could not lie anymore. All she had said were in black and white.
This was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of their lives. They were engaged, marrying to become one. It sparked wonders on why she suddenly decided to bring this matter up.
“But I need you.” he yelled, his eyes swelled with tears. "Jesus Christ, don’t leave me. I need you. Don’t do this to me."
“Is it because you are just fooling around with a girl you met online, what more, just on chat, who is stupid enough to think that you were even serious about her; but you have me here with you to satisfy your selfish desires? Or am I the fool?”
She told him that if he carried on with this even after marriage, she might jolly well do the same as what he was doing. You know… talk to some dimwit she just met online and make that dimwit believe that she was interested in him. But she ended the sentence with "child’s play, isn’t it?"
"So, you are going to leave me?"
"Well, I did promise that I will forever be yours." she said. "Or was that my mistake?"
He stared at her, eyes filled with fury. His teeth clenched, his nose cringed, his fists ever ready for several punches. He fought back his anger because deep down, he knew that he deserved it.
"This is not what being engaged is all about.", he yelled. "This is not what being a married couple is all about, Goddammit!!!"
"And did you tell that girl you are not exactly, well… available anymore? Or are you just afraid to hurt her feelings because it started off as what you think to be ‘innocent’?"
He was at a loss for words. Just as she figured.
You can take me out for a nice dinner for two; in my best dress and best shoes, make myself look pretty with all the make up skills that I have, and to hope that my hair looks perfect from every angle. I will remember to wear my best smile just because it is all for you. It is not like a ‘prom date’ that I miss just because I have never been to a prom. I have never worn a corsage. I guess I just hated to be in the same hall of bimbos and idiots, or I just didn’t really care about proms. Or corsages.
When I was about 10, my dad gave me one little daisy flower after an argument. Otherwise, no guy has ever given me flowers. But that doesn’t mean I want flowers. At least, not really.
Never in my life have I ever trusted anybody. Just about anyone has words that I like to hear or rather, make me smile. But that does not mean that I will believe you.
Don’t be insulted though, this is how I have become after overcoming obstacles upon another in my life which seems to be quite a complicated roller coaster that sometimes has its smooth trails but other times, not so much. I hate roller coasters. Although, I guess I don’t mind riding one someday for the first time in my life. Take it as a metaphor though. There are times I do hate my life, but I still don’t mind (or rather want) to make the best out of it because there will be many more ‘first times’ to come, regardless of how old I become.
I would just order pizza (half mushroom and half chicken with pineapple), drink red wine, and wear my Battlestar Galactica t-shirt with no pants (important), and watch every TV series and movie possible. Because of these, I don’t think I would have the time to care about the flowers you get for me, or the words that I know that I won’t trust (because actions > words, like duh). No make up > make up.
But then again, I would still try. Even for a flower, it could put a smile on my face.
(BUT my trust issues are bleeping serious. So, respect.)
I wondered so many things within the period of an hour of this possibly six-hour long journey.
I wondered what it was like to work there; what it was like to own that piece of land; what it was like to own all of those rubber trees. And the last I would ever wonder was of what it was like to live there.
And then I see other cars and wondered where they were going. It was quite an empowering wonder. I also wondered how it was like to end up somewhere I never thought I would.